I don't know anymore.

I fear failure. I hate failure. I'm scared of failing tests. Any grade lower than 90% is a blow to my esteem.

I'm prone to jealously, unfortunately. If I see someone more successful, I get sad. It's irrational thinking and I can't stop it. I've tried. I hate myself for thinking like this. They didn't do anything worthy of my hate.

I've always wanted to be smarter, but for some reason, I can't.