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Old 12-30-2018, 07:50 PM
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Default Re: Single mum struggling


So sorry you are struggling Evaluna. Have you tried talking to an experienced therapist? Someone who can help you set boundaries with your you with your feelings of pressure and isolation...and help your daughter with her frustrations?

From a communication point of view, here's a tip I learned at work (when lots of people "need" something from me all at once):
"I want to help you AND I also need to get X done right now. Let's set up a time when we can talk this over." Using "and" instead of "but" is really helpful especially with a sensitive person because they might hear "but" as a negation even when not intended that way.

I've been raising my daughter on my own since she was 3. She's now 10 and thankfully seems to be growing into a lovely young girl.
Well done you for being a wonderful mother and raising a lovely young person!

We have a wonderful, close relationship and this should be enough for me, but I'm finding things so difficult.
Why should it be enough? Your role as mother is only one part of your identity, right? Seems natural that you'd want more in your life. Parents tend to parent even better when they have alone time, a hobby, time with friends etc to take the edge off the stress.

We're always together, and everything is always down to me to sort out and I just cant cope any more.
Can you afford a babysitter so you can have some time for yourself? Is there anyone who can spend time with your child so you can take real breaks?

At age 10 your daughter needs to learn how to spend time on her own and/or with are not harming her by taking time away...children who are completely dependent on their parents have a much tougher time with adulthood...we all need to learn how to self-soothe and amuse or comfort ourselves as needed. Age 10 is not too young to start learning that. If she really struggles with alone time, a pediatric therapist could really help. And adapting to change takes time right? She may be moody and resentful at first but then learn to adapt over time...slowly.

My sister is a single mother. PROPS to you! That is NOT an easy gig!!!
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