Yes that makes a lot of sense to me. it is a way for me to passively check whether the person I’m pushing away is willing to take the extra steps to keep me around and prove that I’m important to them and not disposable. If they do show signs that I matter that will then be validation. Often, that doesn’t happen and after a while it turns into depression.
Actively checking whether that person cares feels way too traumatizing because of the fear of criticism of being needy and weird and fear of being branded as that and never being able to escape it in the eyes of the recipient and thereafter it may become a fact about me that other close people will know about through that person. And I have the ingrained belief that being needy is horrid and that personality trait is extremely unfavorable and a sign of being broken goods.. A lot of very harsh and strict and unrelenting beliefs are intertwined with the decisions that I make. it just gets so complicated but it all boils down to fear of abandonment and rejection. It’s sooooo freaking annoying!