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Old 12-31-2018, 03:34 PM
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Default Re: Picture of abussive mother hangs above crib

Originally Posted by Miawill View Post
I care part time fot a chld whose mother did drugs during gestation. A child that has intense health problems because of said drug use. The mother has since then signed off parental rights.Yet the current caregiver is insisting that a blown up picture of the mother be placed above the crib to let the baby know she was wanted!!! I am in shock. Isnt that condemning the child to a life of staring at the mother who not only failed to love her enough to try to get healthy while she was pregmagnt but who is also responsible for her being disabled?
Help me out here! Am I wrong in wqnting to protect this child ???

Hello Miawill. What a sad situation all round. I don't think the picture of the baby's mother is necessarily a good idea at this point. However, remember that down the road when she is older, that little girl might very much want to see a photo of her mother and to learn about her. Attachment issues after adoption are very complex and can be deeply painful on both sides.

You said that the mother "didn't love her enough" to get healthy. How do you know that Miawill? If this woman was addicted to drugs before she became pregnant then it was likely extremely difficult for her to stop. That is not an excuse or justification. Of course men and women should ensure good health and safety for their children. Ideally, someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs will not become pregnant but this isn't an ideal world, right? Humans are fallible and flawed.

Having worked with a lot of addicts in my career, I just want you to know that addiction can be a very powerful and terribly debilitating force. The mother, who has just given up her baby, has likely experienced significant trauma in her life and is about to go through is not easy for any parent to say goodbye to a child and to live with that decision for the rest of their life. I have never met an addict who didn't have a history of serious mental health problems...many were also abused as children and/or raised by addicts.

It is good that you are helping to care for this delicate and precious baby. I also encourage you to remember your boundaries and try not to overstep by making judgments about the mother or the primary c/g who had the idea about the photo. I imagine that the c/g was just trying to do the right thing by the baby...trying to offer comfort and connection...even if it may not be the best choice right now. You do not have a right to decide that the child should never know of her mother or see her picture. Several adults I know who were adopted had a desperate desire to know their birth story and meet their biological parents. It often goes against human nature to "not know." Though each case is unique. Some would rather not know and that is for them to decide. They have a right to know if they choose to.

When caring for the baby, I think she will really benefit from positive energy around her so please consider putting aside your judgment and criticism and approaching the situation from a place of empathy and gentle compassion. That will be healthier for you and the baby. I believe that babies can pick up negative energy just as much as adults can.

Best wishes to you and the c/g team as you contribute to this infant's well-being. Peace, love, and healing energy to the baby and to her mother. I can only imagine how hard it must be to struggle with chemical dependence or to say goodbye to one's infant.
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