This is the first time I have ever done anything like this. My husband has schizophrenia. Why is that sentence so terrifying? 6 years later and I still get chills when I hear this. My husband was the love of my life. We were happily married for 5 years when he first started showing symptoms. I didn't want to face it at first. An army of doctors countless blood test endless googling until after the birth of our first child finally convinced me. He was so cold and distant. That should have been the happiest time of our life. But no..he grabbed the camera out of my hand as I was taking pictures of the car ride and deleted what he could while driving. I was in such a state of shock and fatigue I didn't know what to do. He finally got his diagnosis when my daughter was a month old and things got better. Until his sister died..then it was almost like a light switch got turned off. I woke up one night to him praying over us..this was not like him. He would spend hours upon hours outside smoking. Again..back to the doctor..a new round of antipsychotics I had to battle with every night. In my mind thought he was better once it could happen again. It lasted about six more months until his first hospital visit. Caught him out in the cold 18 degree snow we just had with nothing but a pair of shorts on. I can't even count now how many visits it has been. Now he has been on so many meds the doctors have basically even gave up. He walks around cussing at himself and talking to no one..but swears it's not him doing it. The mani loved is gone..and will never be back. I don't know how many nights I've fell asleep praying for him to heal..some nights praying for him to sleep. My own six year old daughter even asked me the other day when is daddy going to get better? Why is daddy cussing again? Or dadd yelled at me again
I am through. I've done every thing I can. I'm so emotionally exhausted and physically exhausted I can no longer handle anything. I cant even leave my children qith him. And i have to work extra shifts just to make ends meet because he cant hold a job. He didn't ask for this but neither did I. I may be cold now but years of this will change anyone. And now I've just found out drugs are involved. He has failed a drug test for meth. have to leave. I feel my kids happiness is at stake as well and safety. But i will always love him that's the part that hurts the most. The guilt sinks in to and the worry over who will take care of him. How bad this is going to hurt him.i know how i never thought when I said I do that meant being his legal guardian. Has anyone else been in this situation?