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Originally Posted by Kate King
Thanks for the input. He is afraid I will tell my parents or his son. We had a long talk last night. I told him how proud of him I am for telling me right away (he also gave me to two baggies he didnt use (he bought 3, used only 1) to flush. I dont preach perfection because we would all fail miserably everyday. I told him that I'm here to walk with him on whatever path life takes us, but that I also have needs. Since he breached my trust by using again, it's a setback and he is going to have to reearn my trust. He told me that I can hold his money for him if that would be helpful to me, but I dont want to do that bc I want him to own his recovery and not have it based on me policing him..
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Its good that you didnt agree to hold his money. Its not about policing him either. Its about taking care of his sobriety which is not your job. I forget if you said if he does meetings. If he does, he needs to get to one, and as many as possible to share it and get mentorship. If he has a sponsor he should call, if he doesnt he should get one. There is only so much you can do or be responsible for. How old is his son? Would your parents be devastated? I ask because, suppose he uses again and it goes from a slip to a stumble- then a stumble to a long fall from the cliff. Will your parents be like" we had no idea he was struggling" and then will you be the one who says " he slipped once but he came clean and I thought we had it under control". The biggest relief I ever got our of a relapse was owning up to it. Keeping it a secret adds to the shame, and shame is one of the biggies that fuel addiction. (there are others but its a big one). I worry that he has thrust you into codependency against your will.