I have written stuff in the past, I thanked her a few times and apologised for certain things that happened on Facebook before Christmas and wrote her a nice card with a letter in it saying how much she meant to me for Christmas. She replied to all of the messages on Facebook positively but I didn't hear anything back from the card. I've not talked to her since she thanked me for the present I got her, which she said was so thoughtful and she "****ing loved it" =] (I only bring that up because it makes me happy to think of her excited when she opened it.) haha.

One of our friends said she was a little upset because I thought I hurt her when I didn't, another said she's just been smoking a lot of pot lately (which I hope isn't because of me) and another said she just needs to know I'm okay because it was tough for her to see me like that.

I don't really know what to believe and I'm kind of done looking back at what happened because it's exhausting and I want to focus on myself =] haha

But I just struggle when I see her, the only way I can describe it is I can feel the blood rushing out of my head. I want to give her time, but I just need to learn how to cope being around her, because it was really hard today =[