I just finished reading The Love Cure by John Ryan Haule. It really put things into perspective for me in this area. What was very enlightening for me was what's presented about the relationship between us and T and why maintaining distance within the union is important for both... Not just us. It gave me a sense of compassion for my T that has calmed my craziness over her some. Another thing I liked is how he also rejects the world view of boundaries and stereotypical crap we hear at the same time. It just makes everything make sense... At least for me.