View Single Post
SummerTime12
Grand Member
 
SummerTime12's Avatar
SummerTime12 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 874
10 yr Member
601 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 07, 2019 at 08:25 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
For Summer--I assume you're worried that you're developing romantic feelings along with the sexual? I agree they can be really hard to deal with, as I ultimately had some of those for my ex-marriage counselor, along with paternal transference and some sexual feelings. It was all very confusing in my head. I'd just suggest being careful in talking about romantic feelings, if that's what they are. The paternal stuff (including love feelings) were fine, and he was completely accepting of them. But when he sensed romantic love in my "I love you so much" email, that's when things shifted. (And he eventually confirmed that's why he suddenly put up more boundaries.)

Some T's can completely handle those feelings, and yours might be great with it. But it can just be a sensitive area. It might be better to try to frame it more as erotic transference. Or is it possible there's paternal stuff in there, too? It can make things feel really intense, because it's about unmet childhood needs. (I know it might seem weird if that's there along with sexual stuff, but from what I've been told, it's not that uncommon. Like how kids often fall in love with a parent.)


I am in general in favor of talking about things like that, or they can build up more. Just saying to be careful in talking about it with him. Talk about it here all you want!

Yeah, for some reason the romantic feelings scare me WAY more than the sexual feelings. I’m used to having sexual feelings towards people who I wouldn’t actually act anything out with, especially older males. It happens to me really frequently. Idk if it’s from childhood issues or just because I tend to be a pretty sexual person overall.

I totally get what you mean about the paternal transference mixed with sexual/romantic. At first when I realized I had all of those feelings for him, it freaked me out. But then when I reframed the feelings as just needs that are unmet, it didn’t sound as weird. It’s like one moment I want to have sex with him, and the next moment I’m terrified that he’ll act inappropriately and prove that he’s not safe just like all the other men in my life (not referring to ALL men, just the ones I’ve grown close to who have hurt me). Sometimes I feel like I need to test him to make sure he’s safe. I confuse myself [emoji17]
SummerTime12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight