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Old 01-07-2019, 07:25 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
For Summer--I assume you're worried that you're developing romantic feelings along with the sexual? I agree they can be really hard to deal with, as I ultimately had some of those for my ex-marriage counselor, along with paternal transference and some sexual feelings. It was all very confusing in my head. I'd just suggest being careful in talking about romantic feelings, if that's what they are. The paternal stuff (including love feelings) were fine, and he was completely accepting of them. But when he sensed romantic love in my "I love you so much" email, that's when things shifted. (And he eventually confirmed that's why he suddenly put up more boundaries.)

Some T's can completely handle those feelings, and yours might be great with it. But it can just be a sensitive area. It might be better to try to frame it more as erotic transference. Or is it possible there's paternal stuff in there, too? It can make things feel really intense, because it's about unmet childhood needs. (I know it might seem weird if that's there along with sexual stuff, but from what I've been told, it's not that uncommon. Like how kids often fall in love with a parent.)



I am in general in favor of talking about things like that, or they can build up more. Just saying to be careful in talking about it with him. Talk about it here all you want!

Yeah, for some reason the romantic feelings scare me WAY more than the sexual feelings. Iím used to having sexual feelings towards people who I wouldnít actually act anything out with, especially older males. It happens to me really frequently. Idk if itís from childhood issues or just because I tend to be a pretty sexual person overall.

I totally get what you mean about the paternal transference mixed with sexual/romantic. At first when I realized I had all of those feelings for him, it freaked me out. But then when I reframed the feelings as just needs that are unmet, it didnít sound as weird. Itís like one moment I want to have sex with him, and the next moment Iím terrified that heíll act inappropriately and prove that heís not safe just like all the other men in my life (not referring to ALL men, just the ones Iíve grown close to who have hurt me). Sometimes I feel like I need to test him to make sure heís safe. I confuse myself [emoji17]
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