I am not sure if this post should belong here or on another thread. I do not want to offend anyone. Has anyone here dealt with the death of an abusive parent?
I am dealing with this currently and it's very confusing and painful. I am further alienated by my dysfunctional family. Over time, they decided to re-write history and speak only of our father as though he were a saint. He was not. He was often cruel; emotionally and verbally abusive of my mother, my siblings, and myself. I lived on the end of his rage (as did my family) until I moved out. I was scared of him until the day he died.
Now that he's gone, I am not sure how to think or feel. I want to respect my family members' own feelings. So when they talk about how much they miss him and what a wonderful man he was, I keep my own thoughts to myself and simply provide messages of comfort. Which seems to be working for them but I feel very alone with my complex reaction. He was not a good father but my family seems to think that abuse only means intense physical or sexual assault. I do not agree. My therapist, back when I was still in therapy, agreed that my father was a very abusive parent and husband.
I do not miss him. But there is a lot of pressure in society to feel obligation to our parents regardless of how they treat(ed) us. And yet, I agree with a person who said "Remember that you do not have a familial obligation to be victimized."
Any thoughts folks?