Always felt and feel that way. An outsider, the strange, the different...it used to give me a very hard time and problems. It took me many years to notice that I was feeling shame of being what and how I was. That with each word, each phrase, each behaviour, I was pretty much asking for forgiveness bc I breath. I forced myself to change whatever to fit in or belong to: Maybe if I change in this or that my physical appearance, I will gonna be able to counteract my social awkwardness. If I get to do such or that perfect, maybe I will be given my own place.

It’s a very powerful strength that shut you down over and over again and never let you look at ahead with hope.
Now, I console myself thinking that I belong or fit in my own rare way lol! And if someone dare to tell me that I have not my own place, even myself, I make sure to make them know that they are wrong and take it on my own.