I actually had an intense 2 year DBT group that taught skills & understanding of how the mind works along with private therapy at the same time.

I was a mess when I left my H but didn't know ALL that was underlying the mess. I learned skills to handle my emotions but more importantly I learned WORDS & descriptions for ALL the emotions I was actually feeling. Before that all I recognized was my anger that I had lived experiencing all my life. Learning WHY I felt the anger was a work in process but it brought to light why I had experienced anxiety all my life I hadn't even realized I was experiencing.

All my life I thought my parents problems were because they only just barely got through high school so I put pressure ON MYSELF to excel in school & get my BS degree & a career which I finally got in computer engineering & accounting along with an AA degree in music. I had a drive that my parents had no concept of not did they support it. I had no idea just how much anxiety it had actually had on my life till I looked back & realized I had to fight for everything I achieved.

That didn't change in marriage either. I swore I would not marry anyone like my dad & thought education level was the key.....but it was nothing but constant fighting just like in my growing up family.

It wasn't till after my intense therapy & I started working with my T to integrate my past that it came to light that both my dad & my H (all before Asperger's/ASD was even known about) buth were on the spectrum. Different places IQ wise but not behavior wise & neither could communicate or emotionally connect. Wow & all that time I thought I was just the kind of person that just fought people that caused problems in my life.

It was so amazing to have my T tell me that my reactions were NORMAL considering what I had been living with. My dad had died in 1989, long before I had this therapy & I had left my H almost 6 years before that point. Being away from him I notices my anxiety level drop until he did something really irritating that caused me trouble (IRS back taxes & home foreclosure both due to his financial irrespinsibility & inability to communicate) but the anxiety was less because I was no longer living around him.

It was a huge process where I initially took the step to change my environment (escape 2100 miles away) then get into good therapy & also develop a wonderful support network of really awesome people.(I will also say my T is the best & most caring T I have ever known & is awesome like that with everyone). Also for me, moving from Los Angeles where one gets lost in the crowd to a small town of 8,000 was great because it gave me a chance to really learn who I was not who I was reacting to people who caused issues in my life. Learning the DBT skills helped deal with anyone who has caused issues now so that is no longer cause for anxiety either.

Lol....a lot I didn't say here or it would be a book I write.....but healing is possible & it is a combination of learning about past things while learning skills that we never learned growing up to be able to handle those things. It has been an 8 year process. I moved here in 2007 & started therapy in 2010 after having only a few months of therapy when I first moved here.