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Old 01-09-2019, 09:41 PM
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SummerTime12 SummerTime12 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2013
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Default Re: Need to get this off my chest

Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
I personally don't see the point, it seems to just make things awkward, at least for the client, going forward

BUT

if you chose to, that's your call and the best advice is write it down and have him read it there, go from there, I did that often and it helped
Thanks DP, writing is always an option. Youíre right that it def makes things awkward, but itís also nice to have things out in the open in a way. I feel like whenever I talk to him about this stuff, I feel kinda awkward around him for that session and the next, and then itís like it never happened haha.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo1934 View Post
If you think it will be an open topic for exploring and really understanding with this T, then just say it in plain language & don't beat around the bush! If you think it will be automatically sterotyped into a neat little box because he's uncomfortable, that might not be a good outcome for you. You want to be seen and allowed to have things be processed in an open environment... Otherwise, what's the point in therapy?
Thank you! He has responded really well to these kinds of disclosures before, so Iím fairly certain he would handle it well again. Even though weíve discussed my sexual feelings towards him in the past, it still feels SO difficult to bring it up each time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeaVicar? View Post
I think we often try to put too many labels on feelings or thoughts, its a way of trying to understand them I guess.

I would just talk about how you feel... "I am hurting because I miss you badly" or something. Think about what the pain might be about. You say you want him so much it hurts but is it the absence of him that's causing the pain or the knowing that you can't have more of him?

I do think the only way through it, is to talk as openly as you can. It is a gamble because, as we see so often in this forum, some therapists aren't cut out for this kind of work but the alternative of keeping it to yourself isn't good either. This love stuff is really the crux of healing our past, that's why it inevitably comes up in therapy. Good luck!
This is a super insightful post, thank you. It seems so obvious but it never even occurred to me to simply describe it to him as the way Iím feeling. I like that idea because I really dislike the term ďtransferenceĒ (Iíve never used that word with him but he has said it) and all those labels that come along with it.

As for your question of whatís causing the pain.. Iím not completely sure. I think itís a mixture of both of those things but probably more of the knowing that I canít have more of him. Itís such a strange concept because on the one hand I want him to be more to me than just a therapist, yet on the other hand I know that if he were to go beyond that role, I would no longer have him as a therapist, which is how I truly need him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by octoberful View Post
Hi Summer-
Does he have analytic training?
Good question. To be honest Iím not sure what modalities heís trained in, heís a licensed professional counselor though. I would be surprised if he doesnít have training in that area though because of how well heís handled my previous disclosures.

Weíve talked about my attraction to him a few times; the first time I just disclosed the physical attraction and my worry that it might mean I had to get a different T. He was SO calm and reassuring that it really helped me feel more ok about having those feelings. He totally normalized it and said that itís not really unique to me or him, but more about the situation. I think it was maybe like 6 months ago I told him something pretty extreme and he didnít even freak out then. I prefaced what I said by telling him I would never ever act on it, and then told him that sometimes I feel like I need to come onto him and have him reject me in order to know heís totally safe. I mean I think if he can handle that he can most likely handle other stuff, but I just donít know where to start. I think the message I want to get across to him is how intense my feelings are and that theyíre more than just sexual now. Thereís an emotional part to it too. I guess for some reason I feel like I want him to know that these feelings are causing me a lot of emotional turmoil.
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