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Open Eyes
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Default Jan 10, 2019 at 12:27 PM
 
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Thanks for sharing this. I was an only child. And I had the experience your brother had. It went on for 4 years. Everybody knew what was going on, including my parents. But nobody cared. At one point one of the bullies beat me up breaking my nose. I got blamed for it. I wish I could claim victim status as a result of this experience. But sadly I can't because, over the years, I went on to do even more damage than was done to me. As Leonard Cohen wrote in "Bird on a Wire": I have gored everyone who reached out for me.
Sadly, when you were growing up it wasn't unusual for adults to see a child being bullied and they did not choose to stop it. I saw that happen to my older brother constantly, the bus driver NEVER stopped it and I know for a fact that he saw it happening. Also, none of the other children on the bus tried go stop it either, they pretty much did not want to be picked on themselves. That is part of why I was also shunned simply because he was my brother too.

I had not really seen my older brother for a lot of years because he moved to a different state and we both just got so busy with our lives and making a living and raising our children and dealing with all kinds of life challenges. Since both my parents have been mentally and physically declining I ended up seeing him again so we could talk about my parents. My older sister was getting more and more controlling and toxic and even my parents began to be afraid of her. One thing I saw so many years later is how my sister NEVER stopped hating my older brother.

What my older brother told me is that what started on the school bus was encouraged by my older sister, she wanted the other children to hate my older brother like she did. When he told me that I actually believed him because that is EXACTLY what my sister wanted me to do, she did not want me to be nice to him or play with him. I do remember that the first year my sister was on that bus and all she talked about is how she hated being on the same bus as my brother and how she could not wait to get in a different grade where she no longer had to share a bus with him. My sister never had to stay back in school, my brother stayed back twice and I stayed back once so my sister got far head where she did not have to ever share a bus with him but that one year.

One of my own challenges is that I do not like it when someone insists I just hate and be mean to someone. I also get triggered when I see people treating someone badly and hurting their feelings. I am also the adult that makes it a point to speak out when I see abuse and neglect too. I know that comes from all the years I had wanted to see an adult do that for my older brother.

It's not surprising that you eventually rejected help either. In the generation you grew up in the idea was "just toughen up and learn to deal with it". That was the wrong thing to do with children in that they end up turning away the very thing they need, guidance and help. Also, it's not unusual for a child to start self blaming and thinking they were picked on because they really were not worthy or good enough in some way. It doesn't surprise me that you self punished and even turned on yourself in ways either.
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Thanks for this!
KYWoman, seeker33