I am sorry to hear of others' issues with AA. I too felt the same way after trying it four times but I kept relapsing. I decided this last time that all those people cant be that crazy and they are sober. So I went on 12/12/13 and that was my first sober day. Sure, I judged and had personalities that bugged me. I learned a lot on how to deal with people. The previous times it didnt work were because I did not get a sponsor or really do the written work on the steps. That is what helped me clear out the clutter. I do not practice christianity so when I would hear of someone who found church or Jesus I just tuned them out. My higher power is purely spiritual and does not revolve around a god, man in the sky, holy mother or any other sort of magical thinking. But I agree, AA isnt for everyone. I just look at it like, if you are doing it your way, why not try this way even if its for the umpteenth time. Its not working for you now this way. Re: treatment. My daughter who is 18 ran away in march and ended up coming home an addict. We got her into rehab and the rehab flew her to Florida. We only had to fly her home because she did not want to live in Florida. I do not know how your insurance works but I know many rehabs that will get you there. Its worth looking into. I believe you need medical detox. I should have had medical detox, I was drinking 3 large bottles of wine a day, but I didnt know any better. I believe the only reason I didnt have a seizure is because I was on lamictal. I had fatty liver disease and my enzymes were out of whack. A year after when I got a physical they were all restored to normal. Quitting on my own was brutal and I do not think I could survive doing it again. Physically with the shakes and physical symptoms and then the mental brokenness might just kill me if I have to do it again.

I have had four people in my AA network die as a direct result of alcoholism and it is NOT pretty. It is miserable and painful and disgusting. These people all had alcohol related issues but kept drinking. They ended up in care facilities sh*tting and pissing on themselves. Seeing things, tremors, neurological impairments. They couldnt walk right. One woman who I was close with relapsed for the last time and took her own life. I can assure you that you will die if you do not stop. And you do not want to die that way. Hospitals do not always have the compassion they should for alcohol withdrawl and related illnesses. They look at it a lot as being your own fault. Organ transplant lists are not favorable to alcoholism either, you are definitely not at the top of the list. I have been to more viewings and funerals as an alcoholic than I have in my whole life. Mostly overdoses but also alcoholism. I do believe it can kill you.