I'm so sorry, LucyD Giving up alcohol is certainly not easy. Please don't give up. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're really trying your best, and that's good. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll be able to quit sooner or later: you've already been able to stay sober for 20 years! That's a huge accomplishment, please recognize that. And I'm sure you can accomplish it again. Do you remember what made you quit alcohol the first time around? Maybe that could help. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you're not stupid at all. This is just the way alcohol works. It's not your fault. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you