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nonightowl · Jan 12, 2019 at 02:55 PM

I agree that there's cultural pressure to put parents on a pedestal, that "honor thy mother and father" stuff....Like no matter what they did, they are your parents.

SO? They are or were human like anyone else, meaning they have flaws like anyone else. They are not perfect and should not be touted as so.

I lost my mom about 2 years ago but haven't been able to talk about it much with anyone.

Certainly not my emotionally unavailable dad or my brother who isn't even speaking to me. I went to a couple of grief groups which sort of helped, but it's different if you were not close to the person you lost.

I did reach out to a woman in one of the groups who had the same tension with her dad, but she just suddenly stopped texting me after a few messages. That's like rubbing salt into a wound. The other woman did the same thing, who also lost her mom. (The first one lost her grandfather)

My mother could be mean---not physically abusive but she could manipulate emotions or dismiss my emotions. I don't know how to explain it. I can just say I never knew her, had a real relationship with her, knew anything about her personally, or was ever remotely "close" to her.

I don't know if this makes it harder or easier; it's just different from losing someone close. I did lose a close friend about 6 months before her. I've visited his grave many times since then but I haven't visited her once. What do I say? I have nothing to say, and I don't think she'd "listen" anymore now than she did when she was alive.