Also, remember this: that when you communicate with another human being, it is to connect, and understand, and evolve. An abusive narcissist on the other hand talks with you (or gives you the silent treatment) to control you, to manipulate you, to instill fear, to gather evidence that can be used in a court of law or in a future argument. Therefore, it is impossible to explain anything or get explanations from the narcissist. Really. My wife kept saying “I don’t understand why...” but then when I made the mistake of trying to explain she just used whatever I said to denigrate me.