I don't think have any new advice, seeing/turning all the good to bad is one of the things I struggle with. The one thing that comes to mind is distraction, get so involved that he is no longer part of your daily thinking life. I'm not sure that's new. I'm not sure how possible it is given your recent medical stuff. I've been using a puzzle app game on my phone to go to mindless numbing space. It lets the hours pass without me thinking about anything. Someone else at a different time suggested taking on learning a new skill or something like that. I'm not sure there's anything but getting distance on it in some way.

I think it might still be part of grief, but I'm not sure. Other than your dog, how have you dealt with loss in the past, not just relationship loss, loss in general? Is that method a safe method for you?

And yeah, you can keep posting here. Many people here do want to be helpful. I know I want to be helpful and wish there was something I could do to ease your pains.