Quote:
Originally Posted by zoiecat
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time DP.
I am not downgrading your therapist but from the sound of your last post it's like he was more of a friend than a therapist and you thought of him the same way. I would not necessarily say he does not care or he thought of you as just a job but it sounds like he wants to keep his options open to be a therapist in the future if things don't work out with what he's doing now that is why is keeping up his license. It sounds like he really did care for you not in a therapist way which isn't good for him as far as his license is concerned so that is why he is avoiding you for the next two years.
I can't say yes or no that he will want to see you in two years he may have a totally different life by then and so may you.
You probably don't want to hear this and I know you've said this in the past that you don't like making friends with people but it sounds like he pretty much had a friend relationship with this guy who happened to be your therapist. Why not make the effort and try to make friends with another guy someone that you can actually be friends with now and it may lead to something deeper down the road.
Right now it seems like you're experiencing a break up as you would with any boyfriend. That takes awhile to get over and eventually people end up replacing the one they broke up with with someone better.
I think you should give it a try in my opinion that is always up to you. You have proven to yourself that you are capable of making friends with somebody.
Another thing that I noticed from all of your post as you constantly say that you're not good enough to be friends with or that the rules should change.
Looking at reality I seriously doubt the rules will change. Also in looking at reality your feelings about why he is not talking to you are not fact either. The fact is he can't be friends with you right now because he wants to keep his license and he has to follow the ethical rules of his profession. It has nothing to do with you it doesn't even mean he doesn't want to talk to you but he has to follow the rules. You do deserve to have a relationship it just can't be with him right now.
I wish you the best.
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I really like this post so thanks.
As for the new friends thing, what I mean is, I'm not wanting to actively go out and meet new people and hope we click and be friends, it's more of a by chance thing for me. I had 2 guys, at the start of this year and both have already backfired, it's part of why I'm feeling so frustrated with my life.
One I work with and he asked to hang out and I did, but I was so uncomfortable the entire time, I came home and blocked him. (He was going on and on about weapons and hating people etc)
The other was a guy from my past, who contacted me after 8 years.... we chatted briefly via text and I found out, ironically he's a T now too, so I was wanting to meet up and talk and meet his new dog, but the day he told me we should meet up, I texted to ask if we still were on and *silence*... it was a week ago tomorrow. Not a word since. This type of **** happens to be constantly. so much so my best friend says that if she didn't know me and see this **** herself, she wouldn't believe this much crap happened to one person.
I never intended to have any relationship with T, other than a client.... and I don't think he did either. At first, things were fun and nice but it got deeper and we got closer and closer after the divorce. I once told him, we kinda helped each other get through the first year of loss, his divorce was 3 days before my dog died.
That could have been hugely what bonded us.... and we just got along so well. I don't find that click with many people... if my best friend lived closer, it would probably be a huge difference in my life. She's the only other person I have that with
Also, yes you are right about 2 years. Neither of us know that, and I've always been aware of it. We discussed just contact and if we both decide to meet up, go from there. I told him that "if the bond we had was a real thing and not just therapy, it will be easy to pick up like no time has passed" and he agreed.