YoungSun24 it's actually totally normal to talk to yourself out loud. And it IS verified by science that intelligent people mostly do this. I talk out loud to myself all the time, AND I even crack jokes to myself and laugh at them afterward. And I don't see myself as crazy for doing that.

I think you sound very lonely which makes sense to me; your family doesn't seem to be supportive of you. If that is the case, try to find a way to move in with a roommate or two. The more distance you put between toxic people (even when they are family members) the better you will feel.

It sounds like you have some negative self-talk. Also very normal when one's self-esteem is low. Negative self-talk can be turned into positive self-talk with cognitive therapy techniques. So, maybe try to find a counselor who offers cognitive therapy who can teach you how to reprogram your self thoughts to be more positive.