I don't know if my experience is similar to yours or will be helpful. But, for what it is worth --

I "got in touch" with, and really experienced my last T as, what it means to feel another person is the "bad object". Call it negative transference, maybe, because that feeling had been frozen, stuck, cut off whatever. Would have been an interpersonally "dangerous" feeling/attitude to display openly with my mother, or other females in my family of origin. Hence my potential for, and eventual experience of, negative transference?

So, to me, with a lifelong cognitive orientation and intellectualization defenses, what "object constancy" means to me now is that I can have the feelings/perception of the other as the "bad object" AND a "good object" at the same time, or in some integrated fashion that those are just different ways that the person can appear to me, those are very different (strong, opposite) responses that I can have to them.

Who they are or may be as a person, a person separate from me and my responses to them, is something else.

Reality orientation for me would/will be to see/feel that, to be able to observe and accept the other as they are (though always with a personal bias, I think I can accept that), whatever that may be, including aspects that I respond to as them being the "good object" or the "bad object".