Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
How do you know you are real?
How do you feel as if you are everything inside of you?
When it all feels foreign? Contradictions made continuously and quite frustratingly disrupting everything, inside and out?
How would you know if you are possessed?
How could it be possible to be so many things simultaneously?
How does one find peace? Become sufficient enough for self preservation?
Sickened by the happy parts taking joy in little things, to be happy in a moment, and to be disgusted by it later as happiness is fleeting.
Where is my tangible happiness, my security, my future?
I am disturbed by the lack of assurance, assurance that i am not going to explode into trillions of particles, that i wont simply cease to exist, that none of this matters and my feelings/desires will never be manifest as i cant even unite a core being inside of this sorry body
I make myself physically ill
|
first I do reality testing example if I felt I was being possessed I know that, that is a psychotic symptom not a dissociative symptom.
(the word possession in dissociative disorders does ........not ......mean a person is possessed by spirits, ghosts and others.
it is a cultural thing that shows ownership, control sense of agency... example in my native american culture we call switching taking possession... Rainy was in possession of the body.. kind of like if you went out and bought some drugs and got caught by the police its said that you would be arrested for possession of the drugs. people with DID know when they are in possession (aware/ conscious) and their alters know when they are in possession (out doing their sense of agency) of the body.
my suggestion is check with your family to see if you are of any race or culture (native american, and a couple other race/ cultures) that uses the term possession to mean that you own the body, and own what you are doing with the body. and that you have possession like you possess a drug or money or other item.
another suggestion is talk with your treatment provider, they can check their files to see if you have ever referred to your switching into alters, doing their sense of agency and so on as possession.
I never had a problem with everything inside me feeling foreign because I became DID before the age of 5 with the first alter creation. DID isnt something that just comes on one day like a disease. a person grows up with it, its their normal. so taking a guess based on me that this problem in you may be part of your borderline personality disorder, not a diagnosis just a guess based on what you have already posted in the borderline personality board of feeling this way....
Im also beginning to wonder if maybe you posted this thread in the wrong place since everything you are posting about does happen with borderline personality disorder and you have posted there before about these things.