About my email from my former T that she sent a couple of days ago:
At first I was glad to hear from her just to know that she is okay, not hospitalized or anything because of her condition. But I found that it wasn't enough. The email didn't make me feel better in terms of missing her or how to move forward with new T. But now that it has been a couple of days, I can hear the caring in her email and I can almost hear her voice, but not quite. I think she wants what is best for me. She mentioned a couple of concerns with a few things of new T, which I was able to take into consideration. One of the things is the infrequency of sessions with new T, which a few of my friends here on PC have also mentioned that I might think about increasing the frequency of sessions. It's something to talk to new T about. As for missing her, she acknowledged it, and I don't think there is another way through it besides how I am going, which is just through it, one day at a time. I feel a little better about the email now. It's always good to hear from her. I wish she hadn't waited so long to respond, but the fact that she responds at all, when she doesn't have to, is in itself, remarkable. I wish she could help me more with the pain of missing her. But I don't know how she would actually accomplish that. For now, I'm not going to email her again, at least not for a few weeks. I will try to go longer, if I can be stronger, and so I don't have to go through this anguish. But I know eventually I will want to hear from her again. I need to try to "bond" with new T so I don't need to rely on former T. I just really really do not want to feel this kind of hurt again. So it keeps me at arm's length from new T. And I'm not sure that's really good for me in the long run either. Kit