Ow... it hurts 😢
Im not feeling well... im all over the place with these emotions!
Its making me feel sick, nauseas ..
Be anvry saying so many things to my self.. then switching to scared... and really sad... not understanding why those feelings were .. feeling that way against these people...
Then feeling empty, content, confident, knowing i have everything in order and all thats needed is just a little more patience.. as the important major changes that will establish my life in this society are very near.. within weeks...
I just want to feel whole 😭
Make all these thoughts come together and focus on the goal...
But i dont / cant seem to be in control... its sudden.. and im wanting to cry now because i cant control it... and i feel like a monster! Feel alien.. not real... i just want all this be over!
It hirts... i feel so much pain inside...
What if i fail? If i cant be successful with this program for job training and school to become a real stable adult that can live alone taking care of everything?
Oh the peace that would bring, the quietness of ones own personal safe home!
But i failed so many times last year... though i made much progress and grew much
im afraid...
My minds wont be quiet, i WANT THIS SO BAD! TO GET AWAY FROM THESE CRAZY PEOPLE!
My future and possibility of a life depend on this
i dont have support from family as i am so complex and confusing to everyone... they dont understans what i going through...
I accidentally got discharged from my clinic because i forgot my case manager... and then got the letter in the mail while waiting for the psych app...
Not in therapy now...
Im so stressed out.. trying so hard.. hard to remember things... to stay focused....
Feeling like im falling way apart..
Im not going to hurt myself, i am safe...
I am just feeling so much pain...
And its pushing me out..
And im trying really so hard to do all of thos on my own...
But it happens that i shut down... i lose it.. drowning... and miss oppurtunities succumbing to this illness...
I dont want to do this anymore... i want to go home... but i have no home 😭
Gee......