I think my T is terminating me. He won't answer my texts, as he always does. I am a horrible as I feel like I pushed him to do this. I ****ing hate myself so much. I wish I was never born as I am a useless piece of ****. This is my second termination, if this is one. I don't want to think positively because I don't want to fall that far again. I just text bombed him. He is such a good T, and I am such a bad patient. I'm done caring about myself. I just don't care anymore. I am just a big nobody. I guess he won't text me back. He didn't even tell me in therapy. I hate myself anyway. I deserve all the pain and agony and sorrow and depression that will follow.



*****He just texted me and said nothing was wrong.

You know when you are terrified like I just was, in regard to your T leaving, that it is such a massive relief when it doesn't happen, and is so traumatizing when it does. I think he should leave me, or kick me out of therapy and yet, I don't want that.