Hi couchies,

Saw some messages on my profile wall hoping if I'm OK since I sorta disappeared. Couldn't find a button to reply on mobile, so hey.

I've been OK therapy-wise but T's caseload has gotten much heavier again, and appointments are being spaced out a month or more. Again. This happened for 1 year some time back, if some of you remember. After the "1 year of once a month appointments", I'd talked to her about the negative impact on me and she really tried hard and succeeded in giving me once a fortnight / once every three weeks sessions.

Now that it's happening again, I feel terribly guilty once again... For similar reasons like I'm high functioning etc. I know she made room for me, adjusting "more flexible" (her words) patients who didn't have similar scheduling restrictions due to work.

Again I want to emphasize how grateful and fortunate I am that my current boss has continued to allow me to take time off during the work day for therapy with some reasonable restrictions... And I still can't afford private practice fees, T is still in public healthcare and I'm doing trauma work with T now...

I also was recently sexually assaulted by someone I greatly trust and love and dissociated hard trying to tell T in session. I reached out to a sexual assault center and they'll see me end of this month to answer questions I have and options available to me. T says I told her (T) because part of me knows what happened is wrong and is a violation and wanted support. I am literally dissociated from my feelings on the sexual assault.

T might also be leaving her current job. Some of you may remember I've an acquaintance (S) who also sees her. She told S her mandated bond with the clinic ends in March and she might be leaving the clinic in August or September. She has NOT told me anything about that, and obviously I don't want to tell her I know because S wasn't supposed to tell me.

I'm also job hunting again, though of course, the same barriers I face remain since it's legal to discriminate against people with mental illness and job forms regularly ask.