So...it went extremely well! I can definitely see myself getting attached to her I so don't want that though even though I know T does. It feels wrong. It still feels like I'm cheating on T. I still don't understand how and why T is okay with this. It feels like she's pushing me onto someone else...so she doesn't have to deal with me anymore.

So summary of all L and I talked about: She is possibly willing to be a back-up therapist. She's going to talk to T about it some more before she makes a decision. Only issue might be that she doesn't know if she's going to be staying in the area for long. She said at least a year. She said dual sessions before and after are okay with her. She'll allow me the same out of session contact as T, and we'll have the same crisis plan too. She is not planning on taking a maternity leave any time soon She's okay with hugs. She's okay with talking about attachment and is okay if I do get attached to her and from what she said, I think she wants that. We'll start out weekly, and then maybe tapper down to every other week. She likes working with people with BPD and has experience as well. She prefers transparency and will be 100% honest with me. We talked about each of my dogs, abandonment, H, past cutting and suicidal attempts, what does my suicidal ideation look like, what I live for, and goals. She seemed to "get" me. I think she might just be smarter than me and maybe outwit me. That's a good thing. She said I don't need to be the perfect client, that she understands the push and pull, she understands if I don't like her and want to hate her. I didn't really talk to her about ex-T, but I'm not even sure if that's necessary. Just everything seemed right. One thing I like is that her facial expressions remind me of ex-Pdoc. She's actually younger than I though she was, but no I didn't ask her age. I told her that she needs to practice telling me no to things because when she asked me if I wanted to fill out the consent forms, I said no and she did it for me. T would have made me fill it out.