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Bat_Orchid90
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Member Since: Dec 2018
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Posts: 151
5 yr Member
Default Jan 17, 2019 at 06:09 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
Yep. I have check marked off for myself each and every example. I would only add in there supersticious behaviour that I suppose is OCD. I find I do things the same way changing the routine if I have a spell of bad luck. Something happened that was difficult or negative? Then I scrutinise what may have been done differently - like putting on the wrong sock first or applying make-up in a different order. And it works the other way too if good luck happened to fall in my lap.


I understand your anxiety and fear of bad things happening. Add to that my panic that I will in turn humiliate myself. It has robbed me of enjoying the good things in my life.


And yes, there is a voice in my head (in my case the voice of my mother) that runs a constant commentary on the very questions you have indicated. Is this paranoia? Is this being delusional? I have never thought of it that way. I simply think it is behaviour that has been caused by childhood experience that has been reinforced by those undergone as we have continued to grow up.


I am really interested to see other people's take on this.


I've no answers to stop this. I hope someone here does.


Yessss!! You get it!! And I’m the same way! Like “ damn I hate a particularly bad day at work... mustve been because I forgot to put on the necklace I always wear.” Happens a lot when I’m driving too *goes the backroads for whatever reason to a familiar spot and hits traffic* “ see I knew I shouldve went the other way!!!”.... but yeah as a child my dad would always tell me not to touch things in public because of germs... “ keep your hands of the grocery belt in a store” “ always wipe the cart down with a moistened wipe first!” “ don’t stand like that, people are watching you!” “ you cant go outside today, you went out yesterday and people will look !” “ you arent allowed to watch tv unless it’s during the day when I’m home * unplugs cable from his room to my tv in my room*... at 16 i had to fight my parents to get a phone.. i did extra curricular activities at school and didnt get home until 5-11... they didnt understand why i needed a phone and when i finally did get one, it could only text... because “who are you going to call?? “ and it didnt stop with just my parents or just in early childhood...my grandmother didnt even want me getting the mail and I was 14.... and it was a safe neighborhood for just retirees.....at 20 if we’d go out for lunch, shed come by my apartment afterwards and watch me take my dog outside to make sure no one would take me.....so now because of that it stops me from doing so much.. right now I’d love to go out for a few dif jobs but I’m thinking “ what if i screw up and something happens? What if the people don’t like me? Will they judge me? What if the job is too hard, is it okay to quit? “ all these questions that make my heart race and my palms sweat and I didnt even submit a job application yet..... ive actually cancelled interviews because i was too afraid to go inside. Social situations are the worst... if i dont have detailed instructions on where im meeting a person I’ll either have them come find me or ill get there early enough that i dont have to go in a public space alone and idk do something dumb like trip and fall or look lost when the person im looking for is directly in front of me...
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