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sarahsweets · Jan 18, 2019 at 08:25 AM

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When I came to America, I thought somehow, things would become better for me... I made friends with a person, but then that person became no longer interested in our friendship... one night, I felt so much lonely & asked him to stay with me that night so we can talk, when he refused, I felt so much pain & threatened to end my life... so he cut off all communication with me, & since then, my pain of rejection & loneliness deteriorated to the degree that I ended up attempting to kill myself & got hospitalized!

I can sort of understand why your friend cut off communication. were you very close long term friends? If not and if this was one of those intense fast relationships then putting something that heavy on someone's shoulders can be too much for some people. It can cause people to feel very inadequate and helpless. Its a crappy feeling but its better to know that right away then think you can lean on someone but find out after the fact that you cant.

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I resumed communication with this person, & am trying to make other friends, & become a better independent person... however, I still feel stressed, abandoned, dis-respected from him... it is very hard for me here to find other friends like him, because this is a small city, & people here are either religious people, or people who are not deep-thinkers... i made friends with that person very easily, because he was the only one who engaged in the same line of deep philosophical thinking with me, & he's a radical revolutionary like me, who defies society & its norms...

I do not think its fair to look at him in this light. Not everyone can handle mental health issues, or are familiar with mental health issues. I really feel it was better for him to not be engaged then to engage and then do the wrong thing or doubt yourself. You need the support of a mental health professional.

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face my obsessions with him here? even though i had this same problem with many others before in my life, I always ran away, & never attempted to re-build my relationships with them...

I think the fact that you used the word 'obsession' here is key. And the fact that you acknowledge you have had issues with obsession with others in your life. It is not a healthy habit and can place an undue burden on friends and family.

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& the only professor who does research that closely resembles my interest, turned out to be a dictational professor, who doesn't like the student to synthesize ideas & provide criticisms of their own, & this makes me feel so much shackled in my own creativity, & increases my own depression!

Again, this seems to be another indicator of a pattern with your relationships with people. From what you describe this is an unhealthy pattern that either pushes someone away or rubs someone the wrong way. Is it possible that your experience with this professor is not as bad as it feels? Is this something that the professor does with all students or just you? If its truly a matter of impropriety I suggest you see the department chair.

I do not want to seem insensitive or lack compassion. I just know from my own experience that if certain things happen or repeat themselves and the only common denominator is me- then I need to see what I am doing or at the very least what i contribute to these relationships that may influence how they progress. I really do think though that with the help of a professional that you may end up pulling through this and get to a place of comfort and contentment.