I have to admit, it does concern me that her husband wanted an abortion and she went along with it. Did she not want the baby as well? Having kids is something you really need to think about for a long time before you have them.

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Now that she is supposed to be doing ivf, she is afraid that "what if she changes her mind in the middle of the pregnancy?" or "how will she react when she feels the kicks of the baby for the first time, will she freak out?". This is a sensitive issue and she tried talking to a therapist but without much success. She can not talk to her husband or anyone else since the society does not understand this kind of fear.

I do not think she should try to get pregnant now if she is worried she will not want the baby later on in the pregnancy. Babies and children are something you have to be really sure about and 100% devoted to having. Pregnancy is the easy part.

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She has this one IVF shot now or never. OK, may be not never because the IVF she can do later, a month, two from now. In the meantime, I don't know what to tell her what to do and how to calm her down. Ironically, she does want to have a child (her own) and she knows that she will be a great mother once the baby is "out". I know that too because she is a very nice, warm and rational person.

I do not doubt that she is a wonderful person but it sounds like she has some serious fears or concerns over being pregnant. I am not sure its the best time until those things get figured out. Can she see a therapist?

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Together we visited many websites and we came across a term Tocophobia, but other than defining it, we didn't come across any answers on how to deal with it and what to do. Like i said, she was fine past 14 weeks, may be this was the answer for her, that she would be ok, but now again that she is preparing for the pregnancy, she is freaking out with all of the questions I mentioned at the beginning.

Please urge her to reconsider for the time being. Trying to get pregnant is not the time to freak out. If she is freaking out then maybe she needs to wait. How does her husband feel about it?

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She is for some reason not connecting to the idea of being pregnant in a way other women do. She is also generally doubtful of people (had a hard life, turbulent upbringing etc) and I am thinking may be she is doubtful of people, human beings in general? I am not a psychologist so I don't know what to say and how to help her. She asked me recently "what if I decide to terminate the pregnancy at 25 weeks, where can i go, where can i do it?" Together we searched the net, thinking may be if I give her answers and security in light of “you can control what to do with your body (gave her names of the clinics where they perform late abortions) that this would calm her down and actually make her want the baby, and it did somewhat but only until week 22 or so. This is where her “25 week question” comes from .

No disrespect meant but deciding to get pregnant and wondering what would happen if you terminate the pregnancy at 25 weeks you have no business having a baby. Why wing it? Why think about bringing a child into the world with abortion being your backup plan? i want to be clear- I am prochoice for the most part so this isnt about me judging her for having an abortion but children are not something you hem and haw over. You decide to do it because you want a child and want to give them a loving home. I fear she may resent the baby. Imagine spending all that money on IVF only to consider abortion?

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Like I said, her biggest fear is of being pregnant itself. Are there any other women/couples who have gone through this? Any psychologists or other women with similar fears she could may be talk/contact online? How can this anxiety be overcome? Please help. Educated and empathetic responses will be most appreciated.

Fearing being pregnant leads me to believe she shouldnt get pregnant now. Why do that to yourself and then live in fear?