I like that you said this (what I bolded above), because the other day I was remembering something my therapist said to me. I was really upset and talking to her on the phone (I think it was in the spring or summer of last year), and I said "I don't feel empowered at all." It was very important for me to feel empowered. And she said "You may not feel empowered, but you are doing empowering things." And it's true, I was. Something had upset me, and while I was doing self care, I just couldn't feel happy. But the fact that she said that...helped. We don't always have to feel it, to know that we are doing something that helps. Or it can even just be something subtle. Sometimes we want instant results that feel good. I do. It's just not always how it is and I need to remember this! Gratitude is a wonderful tool, btw.

May, I have heard that Brene Brown is a good author for the topic of shame. I have read some of her things a while ago and have enjoyed them. There's a book called Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch. It talks about guilt in one of the chapters. It's a good book.

I'm sorry that you have been triggered lately. I think it would be wonderful for you to find a way to stop feeling so responsible and to let go and stop blaming yourself. Perhaps it will take some time, patience, and persistence on your part. Or maybe it will come like waves. Sometimes you'll be okay, other times not. That's how it is for me with my own issues. Sometimes i think it helps to just realize the distortion in thought. In DBT, we are taught to observe our thoughts, and not judge them. But just notice and label them, and then let them go. It's like mindfulness and meditation. It's a practice that you can cultivate as well.

One more book, if not to overwhelm you, is Loving-Kindness by Sharon Salzberg.