Hi guys!!
I would like to share with you some thoughts.
I seem a strong person. Someone who never needs help.
I don’t understand why nobody see what I’m feeling, why nobody understands that I’m fragile as others.
Since my separation I’ve had no one by my side, but a couple of friends that have maintained some distance, not entering deep in my troubles. Even if they where present at my calls, but I tried not to seek them excessively, or not to be excessively sad with them.
I’ve read that in front of a death, everyone is sensitive and full of compassion.
But in front of a divorce, no one seem to understand that is in the same manner a death, with a lot of struggles and complaints inside, even worse.
The right definitions of what I’ve felt, I found it on the web. Nobody explained to me.
Also friend, closer and not, were focused on cheating and on struggle, not on the pain of the death of a marriage.
I also have some difficult to accept the rage, I don’t understand reasons, of my ex husband. I could not recognize him as the person I married, the beloved person knew almost everything of me, my happiness, my sadness, my fears and my life projects. I cannot recognize him anymore, so I think my husband is dead himself.
I cannot understand the Macchiavelli’s plans of her new fiancé di catch him, and how he has been blind. I cannot understand his parents, they were my new family, in throwing me outside of their life. What is important for them. I were always with them.
I cannot how my parents are ignorant and plain, not to see that I’m deeply unhappy for a million of reasons.
How people live? How is it possible to live thinking only to the lunch and the dinner? How they are so rude?
I cannot believe my life has changed so badly. I try to find a reason, to see a sort of luck in all that changes, to avoid a life spent not being myself with a person (husband) who loves only himself and the idea of family he had, in which he had to have a wife, a son, grandparents. In which me or another was the same, at the end. A woman that looks perfect being better than me, non considering what is inside.
I’m full of doubts.
I pray everyday only not to have rage, not to hate.
I also fear that a specialist would not be useful. What he/she could tell me that I don’t know?
I only have to accept the state of the things?
What do you think?