I'm so sorry, captaineo. You don't deserve to suffer like this. You're a kind and loving person and I'm sorry you can't see your kids. I wish I could do something to help... but all I can do is listen. That, I can promise. I hope writing here helps a bit. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Please don't give up. You're a wonderful person and I hope things will get better for you soon. Sending many hugs to you