Thanks for the birthday wishes.

I feel like I might be running a fever. We did have a surprise birthday party at my Grandma’s house Saturday for my mom, who turns 60 on the 23rd. She actually was really surprised. On the other hand, my aunt who is nearly always a bit sick with something was there; she’s not a hypochondriac but has lupus, and it makes her immune system weaker than it would otherwise be. Also, my 3 nieces were there. The youngest is 4, and the other 2 are in kindergarten and 2nd grade, so lots of germs.

Lucy, you asked if I am running from something. Maybe? I know definitely to get away from my problems. I like when I dissociate and lose myself in my head or sometimes even just sort of be. I can always bring myself out of it. I have dissociated since I was a young girl, so it is an old coping technique for me. Weirdly too, I sometimes wonder if the running, the whole ED really is a means of self harm less obvious than cutting (which I used to do in college but have not now for nearly 20 years). Is the running a substitute? I wish I knew.

Going to take my temperature now though I am pretty certain I have a slight fever.