I'm sorry you are feeling such self-hatred. But I know the feeling. I hate everything about myself... period. (Actually I was thinking about this earlier today. I can't think of a single thing I like about myself.) No one who really knew me would want to have anything to do with me. Hell... I don't even want to have anything to do with myself. But I don't have a choice.

You questioned if it's worth living for. I guess I don't know. In my case, it's not. But I've tried getting rid of myself a few different times & haven't succeeded (can't even get that right!) Now I've just decided to wait & let nature take its course. Fortunately I'm old enough, at this point, I may not have all that long to wait (hopefully.) In the meantime, I simply strive to accept things... just the way they are. At this late stage of my life, that's about all that is left me.