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LizzieVale
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Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 119
10 yr Member
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Default Jan 21, 2019 at 10:40 PM
 
Thank you susannahsays

I realize that that he actually triggers my panic attacks.

He sees me a broken borderline who cant be fixed

He makes me think that im a hardcore Borderline case and I'm simply a waste of his time. Because he thinks and treats me like an illness, the more and more entrenched and deeper these thoughts of me being a borderline become.

I want and need someone who can help me!!!

I want to improve the quality o my life, I feel as though I'm begging him to help me but he just wont listen.

Actually by writing this post its as though i have had light bulb moment. He DOES make me feel like a hopeless case.

Four years ago when my husband left me after 20 years of marriage I was almost suicidal. I begged him to help me. I needed care, I couldn't look after myself. I kept asking him please I need help, I cant deal with this situation all on my own. He ignored my cries for help. I honestly don't know how i survived one of the painful times in my life. I have private cover, he could have sent me for respite but he refused to do so....

I heard something back then, but i so traumatized that i didn't look into it. If it was true or not. I have reason to believe that my former GP called him to express that he was worried about my state of mind. IDK if this true or not but someone told me that his response was something like "dont worry about her, all she wants is attention".

I have confronted him about this and of course he denies that he said anything of the sort. I think he did say those words or words to that effect.

All of this stuff is not the borderline in me who is talking. It's something I have carried with me for the past four years. And to anyone who says "why didn't you stop seeing him sooner"? I reply that I have busy trying to build a life for myself. My ex left me with nothing apart from some money that had set aside. I have had spinal surgery and many other issues regarding my physical health.

So many things that have taken precedence over him.

He keeps insisting that i can afford to purchase my own place but cant. My best option is to rent. If i purchase a place i would be using all the money i have. I would end up having to sell. Renting is my best option because my money will grow and see me through retirement.

He lives in lala land, I spent my last appointment with him with evidence that i cant afford to buy my own place. For once I think i won that debate. In one way Im glad that i proved to him that im right and he's wrong.

The flip side is that I now i feel really angry because he never ever took me seriously to begin with....

He makes light of everything

He makes me feel passive aggressive

At least i have gotten the off my chest, I hadn't realized how toxic he is to my health. Now that i have made this discovery I dont want to see him again but i have choice unless i can find someone who can see me....

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