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Old 01-21-2019, 09:42 PM
TheUrOther TheUrOther is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: California, USA
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Member Since: Jun 2017
Location: California, USA
Posts: 122

1 yr Member
Default Re: What if one cannot conceptualize "soothing"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by piggy momma View Post
This is an interesting question. I too suffer from an attachment disorder (Iím anxious attached). It took me a very long time to learn some self-soothing techniques and Iím still learning, because I prefer to pop a pill to suppress the anxiety and other feels that come up.

I think the first and most obvious step is to work with a therapist who specializes in attachment and learn some self-soothing techniques. Things I do include sitting in front of the fireplace (even in the summer. - I will turn it on and sit in front of it), go to Starbucks and get a latte, snuggle with one of my animals, have a nap (this helps me both self-soothe and avoid negative feelings), go for a massage or hair appt, text my therapist or try to book an extra session.

As a single person in my mid-40s who has never been in a relationship, I donít know what it would be like to have someone else soothe me. That concept is completely foreign to me.
That concept is foreign to me as well - but in addition, I can't understand what soothing means. I've been to a trauma therapist and he couldn't get me to understand the very definition. I know it involves ideas like safety which I philosophically reject as false i.e. there is no such real thing a safety. Since safety is fundamentally non-existent, no real definition of "soothing" can exist. I literally cannot conceptualize comfort, and no therapist has been able to jump-start the concept in my mind. I can't "learn to self-soothe" because I literally cannot understand the goal.
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