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Originally Posted by MaggieRose
Is this behaviour fairly typical for a guy who's been through this kind of traumatic family experience? He had a major crush on me, then ran away from me. We became friends (just friends) as I realised he had major issues. We would chat for hours and hours. He messaged me on Valentine's Day (at night). I once told someone I might move to another town (it was actually a joke) and he got so upset he didn't speak to me for a week. If another guy flirts with me, he looks incredibly hurt and also retreats from me.
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What indicators did he give you that made you think he had a crush on you? Did he come right out and say anything? Did a friend of his tell you? I only ask because it seems like he made it clear he wanted friendship but you also mentioned running away. What was that like? Did he give you an explanation or just ghost you?
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Many times, he returned my friendliness with suspicion, fear and misery until we made a significant breakthrough and he decided to trust me.
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What was involved with that breakthrough? Being suspicious of a good friend is not exactly typical- so maybe he did have more-than-friends feelings for you. What happened when he decided to trust you? Did he say " I trust you now"?
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Since then, we have been getting closer and closer and even talking about overnight hiking trips (both love hiking). Then he suddenly shut down and didn't respond to my messages. Eventually, after a month, he came back and said he just doesn't have feelings for me and we can only be friends
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So it sounds like this is the second time he had done this to you? Is he interested in other girls for friends or girlfriends? I just do not think you need to tolerate this, at least without having a conversation with him about it. Were you able to bring it up?
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. He did this once before when we got closer. This despite the fact that he has shown clear signs of caring for me as well as being attracted to me (remembers my birthday, takes me for coffee if something bad happens in my life, etc.).
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What signs did he give you to make you think he was attracted to you? i think that issue happens a lot with co-ed friends. i am not saying a guy and a girl cant be friends I am just saying its not uncommon.
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I guess he's just unable to take that step? I'm going to gently introduce him to the ACOA group in our area when the time is right (and only if he opens up about needing help, which he sometimes does)...but I guess what I'm asking is: is this fairly typical behaviour for adult children of alcoholics who have been severely traumatised and may even have PTSD? He said he was an unwanted child, practically raised himself and doesn't know what a normal family is like. 
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i do not mean any disrespect by this but it really isnt your responsibility to help him treat or manage past childhood issues with family alcoholism. I mean if he explicitly asked for help i get it, but he may not welcome your intervention (however helpful it is). He may resist simply because he did not think of it himself or not think the issue was important. I look at it from the perspective of the alcoholic. I am an alcoholic in recovery and I also am a child of an alcoholic father. I did not appreciate anyone telling me or trying to suggest to me any kind of treatment or therapy even though I desperately needed it. I am not saying he will be this way its just something to consider.
Then again maybe it will bring him relief to have your help and try it out or thank you for the suggestion. But based on his history of fleeing, it may trigger that pattern of behavior. I guess I mean you should take care yourself.