How long have you been seeing the new guy? You said there wasn't much time after the divorce before you met him. Is that part of the problem? You aren't quite ready to trust again yet? Only you can decide that.

With regard to the inappropriate messages to other women...what were they? Were they sexual? Something else that bothered you? It is important when you say he didn't deem that cheating but you do. Each person defines cheating differently. Some women think use of pornography or attending a strip-club is cheating and some women do not think that's cheating. Just examples. The question is: are you in agreement now? Two choices: he agrees to stop messaging other women (if they're sexual that is...hopefully you aren't suggesting that he cannot have platonic female friends) or you agree to ignore said messages. To me, that's the issue...can you two develop an agreement on what is and isn't okay in your relationship? Something you are both willing and comfortable sticking to.

And, are you ready to trust anyone yet after your divorce? I waited years before having a serious relationship after my divorce. I'm actually quite concerned about a friend who is heavily committed to a new man and her divorce isn't even official yet. I realize that's not your situation...just highlighting the importance of time to grieve and heal after divorce. Without sufficient time to heal, we could meet someone wonderful and still be unable to trust and move forward. Is your current guy wonderful? I have no idea. I had a therapist who said when dating someone new, you need to slowly collect data and look for trends in the data. You collected some data about the messages to other women...now you need time to look for trends....are there other issues of concern etc.

As I said, without knowing what the messages to other women were, I cannot really comment. I am committed to my parent and I have platonic male friends. If he suggested I couldn't have male friends, he would no longer be my partner.