I'm so sorry you're struggling, Kiwi2222 Please don't give up. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they can still get better. Life is unpredictable after all. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You can do this! You're strong, I'm sure of that. I hope writing here helps a bit. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this