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Anonymous47864
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Default Jan 23, 2019 at 09:44 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
PTSD and the resulting incredibly rough Anxiety have consumed my life. They have destroyed my confidence and self worth.


I keep finding myself in situations made difficult by past experiences. I have been told to challenge the automatic negative thoughts and resulting negative behaviours. My problem? I just don't feel deserving and worthy of doing so. I don't feel I deserve goodness. Likewise I keep asking myself what had I done to deserve the traumas, attacks upon me, and the barrage of negative situations that were a constant in my life.


I had a meeting with my Veterans' Affairs case manager yesterday and she - rather annoyingly flippantly - told me that karma will eventually lead the transgressors in my life to get what was coming to them. But I pointed that if karma existed then I would have had to do something to deserve my own punishment.


I’ve had this very same thought many times. When I was younger I spent a lot of time wondering what I did to deserve all the crap that happened. Now that I’m older I spend a lot of time feeling remorse for bad decisions I’ve made... I see where I have hurt people when I never meant to and I regret it. It’s this never ending cycle of... stuff I didn’t deserve that happened... and stuff I didn’t mean to do.... I totally get what you’re saying here and I wish I had a good answer.
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