Hi everyone,

New to the forum, only registered yesterday just for the psychotherapy subforum but now I feel like posting here because I had such a bad day and maybe some encouraging words by strangers online can help

I (w/38) am currently in a depressive episode and it takes longer than I expected...going in on two months now.

I started going back on Lexapro 4 weeks ago, I am going to my therapist (we wanted to get off the meds but I just want to do everything i can right now to get better). She has been on vacation while I slipped so I only had a few sessions since I am in this depression.

She tells me to be self compassionate, patient, and to not believe all these terrible fears about not getting better, not being able to live life the way I want to etc

Yesterday, she told me to look beneath the symptoms - to listen kindly to myself and understand what makes me so sad and desperate.
Buried and unresolved feelings... Just hearing her say this touches me so deeply. Like she hit a nerve.

I cry a lot more during these last days (at the beginning of the episode I cried a lot too and then I cry less but feel worse..)

And today during work, I noticed the tension in the body and the effort to act normal, and as soon as I left, I started crying and cannot stop now.
It's like such a big wave of sadness washing over me again.

I don't know if this is good because it means I am "cleansing" myself a bit...but I am also scared I will never get over this.
Every time I have a better day, I am so disappointed when the next one is bad again.

I don't know what else to do though. I am going to therapy, taking the meds, trying to get on with life. Working is a challenge but I manage. I meditate and try to do relaxation exercises..
And I feel like I am hopeless because the depression hasn't lifted yet.

Sorry for the long text... guess I just needed to vent!