I think you should consider seeing a therapist. Once a therapist told me that sometimes we need a level of attention that we are not going to get, unless we pay someone to give it to us. You might be in that category.

You seem to have a harsh judgement of everyone in your life. It is hard to follow your line of reasoning. You need to sit down with someone IRL and talk about this.

Of course, it is possible to rebuild a good life for yourself. But your attitude has to change. I think you need a good therapist.