Hey there. Me again. I have no other option than to seek help here because my therapist is always sick and my mental health is getting worse.

Since September of last year, my life completely changed. In one week, my depersonalization and signs of PTSD appeared. I didn't know what it was and why it was. I forgot who I was. Who I am. I feel no connection to my physical appearance what so ever. And than depression. Today in school I felt confused.. Scared and sad. Sadness was the strongest emotion. I could not breathe and I thought I was going to kill myself(no thread).

Through out the day I behave completely normally. But my head is killing me..
Why do I laugh when i feel uncomfortable?? Why the more I laugh the more sad I am? I had a dream where my classmate made me laugh and I started hysterically crying.. Guess that's one of my fears.

WHO AM I!! IM NOT MYSELF AND IT HURTS! I JUST NEED HELP BUT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS.. PLEASE WHAT SHOULD I DO..

Why can't nobody see.. Why am I hurting so much but look completely normal? Even if I want to tell or show people I can't.

And this thing in about to tell you is thing I am ashamed of the most. (these things up there^ are not made up because of this thing) But I am really sure I have hypochondria. I spent last few months thinking I have cancer.

Thank you if you spent you precious time reading this. And thanks for your help.