Thank you very much Wishful Thinker. This is a deep need, and working with it isn't straightforward or easy. I look forward to learning - at least first thing this morning I feel more hopeful.

One strange thing I noticed...is that when I felt "OK" two/ three weeks ago, I was actually "escaping" through playing computer games. So methinks I'm interpreting this feeling as "worse" because I've stopped avoiding it.

I think this lies behind a lot of my deep vulnerabilities in therapy and in relationships. I do have a "gut feeling" which guides me, but being OK requires a lot more attentiveness than just survival. It's deep, not just like "you stole my oranges".

I don't know where this is going, but I am also noticing how different "OK" is for different adult people - but I wonder whether the basic child need behind that is the same?

Not analysing so much as listening and paying attention to what this need might give me that is positive. I didn't use to pay attention to being hungry, and now I notice and respond to that better.

Life can be desperate for adults, and how can they then communicate okayness to their children?