He says he know he needs intensive therapy but is just not 'up to it' right now. Don't know when he will be, though - he's almost 27. I hear you - I think his ability to understand a loving/meaningful relationship has been completely warped by his upbringing. He pretty much admits it himself. Yes, I have distanced myself emotionally in the sense that I don't expect anything from him any more (I don't mean that in a disrespectful way towards him, but in the sense that I now give myself all the love I want/need in my life, so his behaviour doesn't shatter me!).

I will definitely wait for the right moment to call him out on any BS. He, too, knows he can be hurtful - he said he doesn't want to hurt other people any more. It's nice that we're now at that stage in our friendship where I can say, "You're being a pain in the ***," and he doesn't take it the wrong way! I will, however, make it clear that unless he goes for therapy I can't be a better/closer friend to him. I'll still be there, but won't play a bigger role in his life. He needs to take some responsibility.

It's great that therapy helped with your window of tolerance! He definitely needs some assistance with that. The least little sign of 'rejection' terrifies him and he runs away.

Soooo happy for you re: recovery, and well done, it can't have been an easy road to walk at all. Congrats!