My depression feels like I am just in a parallel state, next to "normal".
Because the underlying feeling of "something is not ok" "you are not ok" is there.
I don't feel dead or numb when I am depressed. I have a ton of emotions, mostly sadness and often despair that I won't be ok again.

I find it harder to relate to every day life because it is so much effort. I feel a bit distanced from it all and that's why I want to hide out. The discrepancy of how I am when I am fine (outgoing, sociable, interested in things and conversations) and how I am when I am depressed is so noticeable and I don't want to notice it.

When I am depressed, I am also so jealous of other people because I think they're doing ok and are "normal" and can eat and sleep and think about other stuff than just "when and how will I be ok".

I also feel a lot of nervousness in my body, lots of anxiety and impatience and lots of dread. Everything feels like a challenge and an exam I have to conquer.