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Originally Posted by Angie84
Thanks for all of your replies and messages of support. I've now seen my psychologist, I told her everything I've posted on here. She advised that both herself and the psychiatrist are very concerned for my safety (which isn't very reassuring), and advised me to continue with the grounding techniques and mindfulness that I have on my crisis plan. I said that I have no bother doing that, even when I feel I'm losing track of reality, but my concern is the times when the dissociation is instant, when I am unable to ground myself. She did not have an answer for this, so I'm still at a loss really. I told her I feel that even though I'm fighting, I need to leave myself a little room to try to accept that I am going to die. I even asked her if I should speak to friends and family so that they are prepared.
I always attend my appointments with my psychiatrist and psychologist, and I feel I'm very open to trying their techniques and heeding their advice. My psychologist agrees that Viktor was developed in childhood as a protector, even though he started planning an 'exit' when I was around 9 years old. Subjugation by persons throughout my life, and never focusing on me has kept him somewhat 'dormant', until I became massively triggered and tried to seek help from professionals.
With regards to medication, I do take my medication. I've been on the maximum dose of an antidepressant for around 6 months. Even though it doesn't help, the psychiatrist doesn't want to change it until I'm 'more stable'. My antipsychotic is now being changed due to current side effects.
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great job of following your treatment plans, this is good. the losing track of reality... have a suggestion that may help....
I wonder if your treatment providers definition of losing track of reality is different than yours....
in psych terms losing track of reality means a person is hallucinating (seeing, hearing things that can not possibly be real) and having delusions (having beliefs that can not possibly be real, believing they are fictional characters, famous people and so on that is not in reality)
with DID reality/ reality testing remains intact.. which means a person and their alters are not losing track of reality. their realities may be different than each others but they dont have hallucinations and delusions.
a person can have more than one diagnosis which cant cause a person with DID to also have symptoms of their other disorders losing track of reality (hallucinations/ delusions)
example...
Rainy's reality was who and what she was... my alter that took care of storms and depression.
my reality was /is wife , mother, employee, and the things I do in those roles.
regardless of whether I was dissociating or not those things never changed. I never when dissociating believed I not married, didnt have children didnt have a job to do. and when I was rainy her reality did not change she was always the alter that handled storms and depression.
That said I also have a mental disorder called Bipolar disorder which causes me to have hallucinations and slight delusional/ paranoid ideas. when my bipolar meds are not working I will hear and see things that are not real and react very paranoid about those around me.
sometimes its hard to tell the two problems a part so my treatment provider and I before I was integrated went on the diagnostic criteria that with DID reality testing remains intact. if I or my alters were having hallucinations/ delusions it was because of other mental problems not the DID,Dissociation problems.
Thats not saying I didnt lose tract of .......time..... time continues whether a person is dissociated or not so when I would switch back from being an alter it would naturally be a different hour, or day or week or month than what I remembered.
my point is losing track of time and losing track of reality are two different things. maybe you can talk with your treatment providers to discover which it is for you and if its the losing track of "time" that you are worried about maybe they can find ways to help you with that. if its losing track of reality, just keep following the treatment plans and this will get stabilized eventually.
my meds always get my losing track of reality back on track and what my treatment providers and I did about my losing track of time was keeping calendars and journals about my daily activities. that way when I had those time losses I could fill in the blanks much easier.